Thursday, 16 April 2015

Break Ups

Howdy, folks!
Today I'm here to talk about break ups...

Now I've been through my fair share, and I know what it's like to want to give up. My most recent one was a couple of weeks ago, and I was dumped out of the blue. Even though I did some what see it coming, it still wasn't nice for my gut feeling to be right.

So let's call this recent ex Dylan.

Yes I did really like the guy. I got on well with him, and I loved his parents. He made me happy. I was happy. I did have feelings for him, of course I did. But my problem is that I fall for people way too quickly. (I probably scared him off and he's secretly glad in a way - who knows?)

He was like a best friend to me. And the trouble when a break up happens, you lose the friendship too, and that is what is killing me the most. 

Now I don't want to go into too much detail of the situation because it's his privacy and I'm a nice person. 

Let's just say he was going through a divorce with his ex wife and she wasn't a nice person. He saw the solicitor that said week, and they said something to make Dylan think and churn until he made the decision to dump the hell out of me and block and delete me everywhere, like I didn't exist. Like wtf?

So of course I started thinking of every possible thing. I blamed myself. Said he was going back to his ex, or that he's found someone new and better. He's making excuses 'cos I'm not a nice person. I get depressed or came across too clingy. 

He told me he solicitor had "stirred up some painful emotions and he can't cope with a relationship at the moment". Like wth does that even mean? Does he still love his wife? Is he having second thoughts? Was I that terrible?

But it also makes me think that I wasn't even good enough to fight for, and that just plummets you right into the ground.

And let me just add that he did not see me in person or call me on the phone. He dumped me in a message. As in an instant messenger message, which he knew I despised, (and he agreed it was stupid)yet he still did it.

"I don't want to string you along". Mate, you strung me along for a month. You made me happy for a month then basically said you're not ready. I just don't get it.

"I know you will find someone better". Something that they all say. And yeah, I probably will.

"But I now need time alone". *Delete* *Block* 

So do I...So do I..

I sent his stuff back, because that's how nice I am. I didn't even get a thank you (not that I was expecting one, but it would have been nice).

I also messaged him WAY too many times than I should. Yeah I'm probably  very loco, but I was determined to get my say in! =P

I'm fed up of being let down, stung along, dragged, told they love me, then dump me out of the blue. Makes me think there's something wrong with me. There probably is, but I'm never told. 

I've read everywhere that men like happy women, and that they like their space too, and to be respected. And I did all of those things.

Sometimes I feel like I am better off alone. No one to hurt you.
But then I miss being in a relationship and having someone to care for. I am not getting any younger, and eventually I do want to settle down with someone. Get a home, have kids of my own, etc.

But alas I have yet to find someone who "gets me". I thought I found them, but sadly they let me down too.

Moving on is the worst though, especially when you're left in the dark with no answers. If I was given the real proper reason, then I'd probably understand and move on quicker. 

But for now I can't think of him and have to block him from my existence. So I blocked and deleted him back, and it is helping. If I'm nothing to him, he means nothing to me too.

A friend asked me would I ever take him back? Probably not unless he had a valid reason. I'm a good person and think everyone deserves a second chance. But he won't ever unblock and talk to me ever again anyway, so no point in worrying.

So that's it really for today. It's hard to move on from something so good, but you have to do what you have to do. I am being happy and doing the things that I love. 

There's a great quote that says:

"Don't feel sad over someone who gave up on you, feel sorry for them because they gave up on someone who would have never given up on them". 
He lost somebody awesome that could have been an effing amazing adventure. I just hope one day he kicks himself for making that decision. After all, there is only 1 Super Katie ;)

Don't ever feel down over a break up. I am always here for anyone who needs to talk.

Have an awesome day, folks!

Keep smiling & stay positive!

Katie xx

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